i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we made out on top of his cat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
