I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize