I got chris browned last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
