Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
