Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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