I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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