My hand turned me down
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
