I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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