Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
