We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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