i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
