he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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