So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
