Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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