Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
