i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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