if you like me you must not know who I am
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have aggressive nipples.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
