Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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