HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
