i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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