She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
