He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Houston, we have a blender
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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