I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
