found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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