living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Green mimosas i think yes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
