Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
