That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
