I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
