i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
