just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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