how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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