Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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