So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize