I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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