I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
