I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
