I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
