That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
