If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
