New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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