I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize