He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
