my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
