I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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