If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
