Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
