sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I enjoy the company of your penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
