I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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