I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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