i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
