Fine. I'll sleep in my office
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
