someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
