forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
