Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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