Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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