I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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