Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
