Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
