I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
