i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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