u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
