Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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