I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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