So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize