I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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