so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
