i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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