I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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