Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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