You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
