When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
