tell your sister to shave her snatch
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
