just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
a search helicopter?!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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