Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
