Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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