very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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