i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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