I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
