Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
