a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
