Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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