Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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