Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you would pick up someone in the library
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
