If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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