dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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