And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
