I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
